


The Knightzz + some idiots

by AlwaysAndForever14



Category: Merlin (TV), Merlin - Fandom
Genre: Arthur is an idiot, Canon complaint this is a fanfic hello, DID i mention this is GAY?, Did i mention this fic was gay?, Everyone Is Gay, F/F, Feelz, Gay, I am T I R E D, I wish this could happen in the show, Issa group chat, Like, M/M, MERTHUR IS CANON FUCK YOU BBC, Merlin is a dork, Modern AU, Other, Platonic Love, They all love and care for each other even though they bully each other, They're All Gay, They're all gay with a capital G, Ya bitch is basic, aND NEEDS SOME FLUFF, also HOMOPHOBIA CAUSE THAT EXISTS, and MASCULINITY DOES NOT EXIST, arthur is still a clotpole, but Gwaine is in it so ofc there are sexual references, but alas I am a writer with no creative control, but the gang is there to protecc and attacc, cause TOXINS, cause like, cause my SONS, cause platonic love RADIATES, chat fic, fsr?, fuck my life, gaius comes in at some point, he's like i'm here i'm grumpy i'm old bleh, heart to hearts cause my bOYS, i dont think i did, i think, i'm so tired but PERSEVERANCE, idk - Freeform, idk i felt like it, im doing this instead of homework, im so tired, its gay, its like 3 am, its v fluffy, life is pretty fucken tough, lots of 'i love you's dont @ me platonic love radiates, mate it's not even funny they are so dumb, mustve slipped my mind, my gay kids, my kids, the bitch never learns, they're all so confused lmao, they're teenagers, this is a long fic so buckle up buckaroo, this is bascially a bunch of kids that get yeeted into a sitch that they CANNOT control at all, uther is also there?, watchu expect, what a g
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-19
Updated: 2019-06-21
Packaged: 2020-05-14 20:45:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 3,704
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19280854
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlwaysAndForever14/pseuds/AlwaysAndForever14
Summary: Arthur decides to create a group chat with all of his friends...Everything goes south from there.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! It’s been 7 years since Merlin has ended and this fandom is still alive, and I could not be more proud. A quick thing before we start. A key. Cause, like, these dumbasses have nicknames for each other smh. So, like, here you go I guess.  
> Merlin: MerlinBerlinSwerlin  
> Arthur: THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE  
> Gwaine: TooSexyForMyShirt  
> Percival: HumanGiant  
> Elyan: ItsDatBoi  
> Lancelot: PleaseHelpMe  
> Leon: NotDiCaprio  
> Gwen: Gwen…That’sIt  
> Morgana: MORGAYYYYYY  
> Gaius: ImAnOldMan  
> Uther: Ugh  
> Lol I think that’s it, but I will add more as we go along bear with me here. So this is basically a Modern AU where they all go to High School and are gay and shit so bYE  
> Anyway, enjoy these idiots being idiots lmao)

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has created the chat “The Knightz + some idiots” ]

 

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE has added “MerlinBerlinSwerlin” to “The Knightz + some idiots” ]

 

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has added “TooSexyForMyShirt” to “The Knightz + some idiots” ]

 

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has added “HumanGiant” to “The Knightz + some idiots” ]

 

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has added “ItsDatBoi” to “The Knightz + some idiots” ]

 

[ “THE ALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has added “PleaseHelpMe” to “The Knightz + some idiots” ]

 

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has added “NotDiCaprio” to “The Knightz + some idiots” ]

 

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: …

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I mean…

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Okay.

PleaseHelpMe: What is this?

HumanGiant: issa chat

PleaseHelpMe: Yeah, I know that Percy. Thanks for pointing out the obvious.

TooSexyForMyShirt: DaYmNnNnN Lance has lost his CoOl

PleaseHelpMe: I have not.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: You have too.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: I made this chat 20 seconds ago and already you guys are arguing.

TooSexyForMyShirt: Oh yeah lmao what is this chat for?

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: idk.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: stuff.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: That was poetry, Arthur.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: thnx.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: O HMY GOD.

NotDiCaprio; A fat awoo to you my thots.

ItsDatBoi: stop.

ItsDatBoi: please.

NotDiCaprio: make me.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: …I don’t like where this is going.

TooSexyForMyShirt: I do.

PleaseHelpMe: you guys ready for Year 12?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: FUCK YEAH!! Being in Sixth Form is weird tho.

ItsDatBoi: I agree.

ItsDatBoi: Gwen is obsessing over this new girl called Morgana. She’s calling her weird shit like ‘hot’ and ‘cute’ and ‘a goddess’.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: …

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: she’s my sister.

ItsDatBoi: …

ItsDatBoi: well then

TooSexyForMyShirt: lollllllllllllll

HumanGiant: wait Artie I didn’t know u had a sister.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: she’s my half-sister.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: the little bitch.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: damnnnnn.

NotDiCaprio: so gd rude smh.

PleaseHelpMe: guys its like 1 AM.

TooSexyForMyShirt: shit srsly?

TooSexyForMyShirt: I didn’t even realise.

HumanGiant: Probably cause he was watching porn.

TooSexyForMyShirt: USDNURGIRB WAS NOT-

ItsDatBoi: I don’t get it.

NotDiCaprio: I’ll tell you when you’re older.

ItsDatBoi: I am literally the oldest one here.

HumanGiant: By four days!

ItsDatBoi: yeah but st-

HumanGiant: by

HumanGiant: four

HumanGiant: days

ItsDatBoi: damn okay.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: my dad is constantly bugging me about leaving school and finally taking over the family business. Ughhh its so frustrating because what if I don’t want to take over the family business? What if I want to, idk, be, like, a farmer?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: psshh okay.

TooSexyForMyShirt: a farmer???

TooSexyForMyShirt: of all things??

PleaseHelpMe: we shouldn’t judge Arthur, he’s dealing with something serious.

NotDiCaprio: If that’s what Arthur’s concept is of something serious, then he has a terrible life coming up for him.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Gordon ramsey.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: …

TooSexyForMyShirt: …

HumanGiant: …

ItsDatBoi: …

PleaseHelpMe: …

NotDiCaprio: …

TooSexyForMyShirt: lol wut

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: sorry I got so off-track there.

HumanGiant: yOu DoNt SaY 

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: what were we talking bout?

ItsDatBoi: like

ItsDatBoi: what were we talking about?

PleaseHelpMe: school.

NotDiCaprio: oh yeh.

PleaseHelpMe: speaking of which, it’s almost 2.

HumanGiant: Already??? Damn, time flies.

TooSexyForMyShirt: We’re all excited for school, though. Aren’t we, Arthur?

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: don’t talk to me.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: ANGSTTTTTTTTTTTTT.

HumanGiant: you’re one to talk.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I’m not angsty

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I’m moody.

NotDiCaprio: massive difference, guys.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Thank you, Leon.

NotDiCaprio: I was being sarcastic.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Bully

NotDiCaprio: and what abt it?

TooSexyForMyShirt: speaking of angst…

ItsDatBoi: what is with everyone today? You’re all acting like that broody character from that weird fucking TV show about the dead ginger.

TooSexyForMyShirt: …you mean Riverdale?

ItsDatBoi: oh yh that’s the one.

TooSexyForMyShirt: …

TooSexyForMyShirt: I’m-

TooSexyForMyShirt: okay then.

ItsDatBoi: HEY GUYS DO YOU REMEMBER THE TIME THAT GWAINE RAN AROUND THE BLOCK NAKED?

TooSexyForMyShirt: You can’t hold that against me. I was young and foolish.

HumanGiant: That was literally a year ago.

TooSexyForMyShirt: Like I said

TooSexyForMyShirt: young and foolish.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: …what have I created?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: my ass.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: that doesn't make any sense.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Your existence doesn’t make any sense.

HumanGiant: ffs

TooSexyForMyShirt: GET A ROOM.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: what?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I don’t get it…

ItsDatBoi: and I oop-

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I don’t like Arthur like that lol.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: he’s a prat.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: cheers.

NotDiCaprio: profess your love plz.

TooSexyForMyShirt: We. Stan. 

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: yeah okay guys whatever.

HumanGiant: HmMmMmMmM.

HumanGiant: I still ship it. I’ll ship it till the day I die.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: and that’ll be very soon if you don’t shut up.

ItsDatBoi: Merlin forgot to take his meds

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: It’s 2.30 of course I haven’t taken my meds.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: is u dumb or smth?

ItsDatBoi: yes.

ItsDatBoi: you should know this by now.

HumanGiant: Have you met Elyan?

HumanGiant: he’s literally the human incarnation of stupidity.

ItsDatBoi: he’s also right here.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: no, no. keep going. I want to see where this goes.

PleaseHelpMe: It’s going nowhere. Everyone, stop bullying each other.

TooSexyForMyShirt: Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

NotDiCaprio: lameeeeee

PleaseHelpMe: it’s not lame, Leon.

NotDiCaprio: >_<

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: damn, Lance, you broke Leon.

NotDiCaprio: nah im Gucci

ItsDatBoi: never say the phrase ‘nah im Gucci’ again or I will personally pull out your intestines, decorate them with daisies and wear them as a crown. Do u hear me?

NotDiCaprio: …that was very vivid but okay.

ItsDatBoi: good.

HumanGiant: aNyWaY

HumanGiant: I think we should all attempt to get some sleep.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy sleep is for the weak.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: I understood that reference.

ItsDatBoi: was that a reference inside a reference?

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: …wut?

ItsDatBoi: damn, I knew it was too good to be true.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: im so confused.

TooSexyForMyShirt: quote of the week.

HumanGiant: quote of the year.

PleaseHelpMe: what did I literally just say about bullying?

ItsDatBoi: …that it’s a pivotal part of society so therefore we should take every opportunity we can to make Arthur miserable?

PleaseHelpMe: .

PleaseHelpMe: .

PleaseHelpMe: .

PleaseHelpMe: I want to gutterstomp you

ItsDatBoi: plz do I want to die.

NotDiCaprio: what the fuck-

ItsDatBoi: gIVE ME THE SWEET RELEASE OF DEATH.

NotDiCaprio: let’s all just back away slowly…

NotDiCaprio: and leave before he starts reciting Shakespeare. 

HumanGiant: oh like last time!

NotDiCaprio: yes.

NotDiCaprio: like last time.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin; lol night

 

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has privately messaged “MerlinBerlinSwerlin ]

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: Merlin.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I know, I know.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: that was a really close call.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I know it was, you don’t have to remind me.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: good.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: cause none of them can know.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: at least for the time being.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I know, imagine what would happen if we told them we’re dating…


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They all get themselves into a sticky situation, and a few more people get added to the infamous chat.
> 
> Cue memes, awkwardness and gayness BYE

NotDiCaprio: …is anyone actually paying attention?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I know I’m not.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: this is acc so boring. I expected Year 12 to be better than this.

TooSexyForMyShirt: ik. I’m like…this is it????

PleaseHelpMe: are you guys seriously texting during class?

TooSexyForMyShirt: …so are you.

PleaseHelpMe: …

PleaseHelpMe: ffs.

ItsDatBoi: hA

HumanGiant: henlo little kids.

ItsDatBoi: still older than you.

HumanGiant: four

HumanGiant: days.

PleaseHelpMe: So I guess we’re texting in class now, great.

TooSexyForMyShirt: Oh, get a grip. It’s only Chemistry, it’s not that important.

PleaseHelpMe: why did you even choose it as a subject if you don’t even enjoy it?!

TooSexyForMyShirt: idk Percy chose it so I figured it was lit.

TooSexyForMyShirt: turns out I figured wrong.

HumanGiant: …why is Gwaine glaring at me from the other side of the classroom?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: …

MerlinBerlinSwerlin; …idk man.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: What the fuck are ions?

PleaseHelpMe: that is a question you would know the answer to if you actually paid attention in Year 9.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: Ik but paying attention is effort tho.

ItsDatBoi: I cannot even FATHOM how you managed to pass your GCSE’s.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: oh I didn’t actually take them myself.

NotDiCaprio: …of course you didn’t.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE; I paid some kid like 100k to do it for me.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: 100K?!

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: yeah?

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: why? Was that too little? Should I have paid him 200k?

NotDiCaprio: …

NotDiCaprio: I can’t.

NotDiCaprio: I’m sorry

 

[ “ItsDatBoi” has added “Gwen…That’sIt” to “The Knightz + some idiots ]

 

TooSexyForMyShirt: new phone who dis?

Gwen…That’sIt: Hey! It’s Gwen.

Gwen…That’sIt: Elyan added me fsr.

ItsDatBoi: I DO WHAT I WANT THAT’S WHY.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: so…Guinevere…

Gwen…That’sIt: I’m sorry, I don’t know who you are.

ItsDatBoi: lol get reckt

Gwen…That’sIt: do you even know what that means?

ItsDatBoi: I DO ACTUALLY

Gwen…That’sIt: What does it mean, then?

ItsDatBoi: …

ItsDatBoi: your mum gay

Gwen…That’sIt: WE HAVE THE SAME MOTHER HOW DO YOU EVEN-

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: Anyway, back to business.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: gwen.

Gwen…That’sIt: That is me.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: I hear that you have the hots for my sister: Morgana.

Gwen…That’sIt: …

Gwen…That’sIt: aw shit.

 

[ “Gwen…That’sIt” has left the chat ]

 

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: OH NO YOU DON’T

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has added “Gwen…That’sIt” to “The Knightz + some idiots ]

 

TooSexyForMyShirt: wait we can leave?

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: don’t even think about it

Gwen…That’sIt: whatchu want?

THEALMGIHTYCLOTPOLE: I wanna know the detes.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: if you ever say ‘detes’ again I will personally see to it that you are publically hanged.

ItsDatBoi: and you guys say I’M the disturbing one.

NotDiCaprio: you are.

TooSexyForMyShirt: you are.

HumanGiant: you are.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: you are.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: you are

ItsDatBoi: okay I get it!

ItsDatBoi: so gd rude smh

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: oh I’M rude?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Arthur…

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: YOU were the one that once fed me laxatives and had me shitting senseless for a week!

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Arthur…

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: AND you posted it all over your story without any remorse for how I felt like I was about to literally give birth to a corpse!

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: ARTHUR.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: WHAT?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Look up.

TooSexyForMyShirt: oh shit the teacher is asking Arthur for his phone.

TooSexyForMyShirt: oh shit he’s giving the teacher his phone.

TooSexyForMyShirt: thank god he didn’t catch any of us

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: I want your phone too, Gwaine.

TooSexyForMyShirt: …

TooSexyForMyShirt: damnit.

[ Everyone has gone offline ]

 

\-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

[ “TooSexyForMyShirt” has opened “The Knightz + some idiots ]

 

TooSexyForMyShirt: okay so that went well.

HumanGiant: no it didn’t.

TooSexyForMyShirt: Percy, shut up.

HumanGiant: make me.

NotDiCaprio: lol kinky

PleaseHelpMe: stop.

PleaseHelpMe: please.

Gwen…That’sIt: I’m surprised he didn’t confiscated your phones for longer.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: his fucken face though when Arthur started stating why it was legally unfair to ‘Have our phones for the rest of eternity’ was priceless.

ItsDatBoi: Merlin ur blushing.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: am NOT.

ItsDatBoi: are too.

PleaseHelpMe: One day.

PleaseHelpMe: I just want

PleaseHelpMe: ONE. DAY.

TooSexyForMyShirt: lol okay damn.

NotDiCaprio: what’s got him all salty?

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: Elyan rejected him for a date.

ItsDatBoi: WHAT?

PleaseHelpMe: WHAT?

ItsDatBoi: yooo m8 nah fam.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: HmMmMmMmMm they’re acting very suspicious.

PleaseHelpMe: You’re one to talk! You and Arthur are practically in love!

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: lol as if manz 

Gwen…That’sIt: don’t say ‘manz’

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: you don’t even know me.

Gwen…That’sIt: Exactly.

TooSexyForMyShirt: shots fired lol.

HumanGiant: I think that Lance and Elyan are secretly dating like if u agree.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: im liking like 1000 times.

NotDiCaprio; same 

Gwen…That’sIt: …what is happening? 

Gwen…That’sIt: you guys just literally got yelled at by the deputy head and already you are repeating your mistakes by texting in class AGAIN.

ItsDatBoi: lol yh welcome to the group.

Gwen…That’sIt: I don’t want to be here.

ItsDatBoi: too bad you’re already here.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: I’m still mad about you liking my sister.

HumanGiant: ha! Gwen’s gayyyyyyyyy.

TooSexyForMyShirt: So what if Gwen’s exploring her boundaries? Sexuality isn’t a rigid set of definitions. Sexuality is a spectrum, and we all fluctuate between its many polarities.

ItsDatBoi: …

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: …

THEALMIGHTYCLOTOLE: …

PleaseHelpMe: …

HumanGiant: …

NotDiCaprio: …

Gwen…That’sIt: …

TooSexyForMyShirt: Plus, yat on yat is fit, innit?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin; ANNNDDDD he’s back.

Gwen…That’sIt: Arthur, please please please don’t tell your sister that I like her. She can never know!

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: why not?

Gwen…That’sIt: because its embarrassing! I doubt she’s even into girls anyway, and imagine if she found out! I’d be the talk of the school, and the humiliation of rejection from the prettiest girl in school is too much to bear.

THEAMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: I don’t think she would…

Gwen…That’sIt: what do you mean?

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: how do you not know this?!

Gwen…That’sIt: know what?

NotDiCaprio: dude…Morgana’s gay.

Gwen…That’sIt: WHAT?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: HOW DID YOU NOT KNOW?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: She came out, like, in Year 10. Everyone was talking about it for weeks! They even started a GSA after her coming out, they made it such a big deal!

TooSexyForMyShirt: and now they’re just waiting for the other Pendragon to come out of the closet.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: ha ha, very funny.

TooSexyForMyShirt: it wasn’t a joke

Gwen…That’sIt: I guess I wasn’t really paying attention back then! My life was Nesquik and Animal Crossing back then.

HumanGiant: …in Year 10?

Gwen…That’sIt: yeah, don’t judge. Tom Nook was my best friend.

NotDiCaprio: I…I can’t.

NotDiCaprio: I mean I PHYSICALLY cannot.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Gwen I think u broke Leon.

ItsDatBoi; and for that we owe you our lives.

NotDiCaprio: oi 

ItsDatBoi: aw shit.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: my mums getting on my arse about chores.

TooSexyForMyShirt: she’s not the only one getting on your arse.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: you have NO subtly, Gwaine.

TooSexyForMyShirt: thanks

THEALMIGHYCLOTPOLE: THAT WASN’T A COMPLIMENT.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: how’d you clean a TV?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: is that…like…even possible?

HumanGiant: oh you poor soul.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: bye guys.

 

[ “MerlinBerlinSwerlin” has gone offline ]

 

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: I gotta go too.

NotDiCaprio: how

NotDiCaprio: CoNvEnIeNt.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: get your head out of the gutter, Leon.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: but, before I go.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: there is one thing I must do.

TooSexyForMyShirt: …what’s he doing?

 

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” has added “MORGAYYYYYY” to “The Knightz + some idiots ]

 

Gwen…That’sIt: …who did Arthur just add???????

MORGAYYYYYY: hi, it’s Morgana.

Gwen…That’sIt: oh

Gwen…That’sIt: shit

 

[ "THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE" has gone offline ]

 

HumanGiant: this should be interesting.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> some confessions are made, Morgana is a little shit and Lance and Gwaine have a genuine heart to heart. Quick warning, there is mentions of verbal and some physical abuse and homophobia in this chapter, so if you get triggered easily, then, just, don't??? idk I suck with words.

MORGAYYYYYY: hi everyone.

HumanGiant; hello there.

MORGAYYYYYY: idk why Arthur added me lmao.

Gwen…That’sIt: Gee I wonder.

MORGAYYYYYY: oh hi Gwen!

Gwen…That’sIt: wait you know who I am?

MORGAYYYYYY: of course I do? How could I not! You’re the girl that was obsessed with Animal Crossing in Year 10. You gave me some pretty great tips.

Gwen…That’sIt: oh.

Gwen…That’sIt: oh yeah.

TooSexyForMyShirt: smh.

MORGAYYYYYY: wait, who’s on this chat?

HumanGiant: I’m Percival.

PleaseHelpMe: I’m Lancelot

TooSexyForMyShirt: I’m Gwaine 😊 

NotDiCaprio: I’m Leon

ItsDatBoi: I’m Elyan, Gwen’s twin brother.

TooSexyForMyShirt: Arthur and Merlin are also on here, they just had to go somewhere.

MORGAYYYYYY: oh, Merlin! I know him! Arthur talks about him all the time.

NotDiCaprio; he does?????

PleaseHelpMe; what does he say??

TooSexyForMyShirt: TELL US WOMAN.

MORGAYYYYYY: damn okay.

MORGAYYYYYY; he talks about how cute Merlin is and how he has dimples when he smiles and he has kissable cheeks and how he wants to snuggle in a blanket with him and watch 'The Notebook'.

HumanGiant: W H A T 

MORGAYYYYYY: should I continue?

PleaseHelpMe; please.

MORGAYYYYYY: he talks about how he wants to marry him one day.

TooSexyForMyShirt: lol.

HumanGiant: GWAINE HOW ARE YOU NOT FREAKING OUT ABOUT THIS?

TooSexyForMyShirt; cause it’s obvious they’re in love.

TooSexyForMyShirt; and I once saw my Dad working in B&Q 3 years after my Mum had left us, kissing a man.

TooSexyForMyShirt: nothing surprises me anymore.

Gwen…That’sIt: Jesus fucking Christ.

TooSexyForMyShirt: and besides it’s just so blatant that they’re fucking.

PleaseHelpMe: ew.

TooSexyForMyShirt: oh you innocent bean.

 

[ “MerlinBerlinSwerlin” is online ]

 

[ “THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE” is online ]

 

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: MORGANA 

MORGAYYYYYY: hi bro.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: YOU BETRAYER.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: aww you said that about me???????

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: yh.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: duh.

ItsDatBoi; what the actual fuck is happening right now?

NotDiCaprio: I’m at Elyan’s house rn and he’s screaming wtf is happening.

NotDiCaprio: oh I see now.

Gwen…That’sIt: they’re both screaming now thnx Arthur.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE; I guess we can’t really keep it a secret for much longer.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Arthur…

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: no, it’s alright Merlin. I wish we didn’t ahev to tell you over a group chat, but there’s no time like the present.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: guys, we have something to tell you.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: Merlin and I are dating.

HumanGiant: …

PleaseHelpMe: …

MORGAYYYYYY: …

ItsDatBoi: …

Gwen…That’sIt: …

NotDiCaprio: …

TooSexyForMyShirt: bitch, we been knew.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: wait really?

TooSexyForMyShirt: duh.

ItsDatBoi: it wasn’t like you were SUBTLE about it.

PleaseHelpMe; we’ve had our suspicions for weeks now.

NotDiCaprio; we’ve even been having weekly meetings with updates about ‘Merthur’

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: …I’m sorry what?

HumanGiant: that’s your ship name m8.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: ofc it is, but that wasn't what I was concerned about.

TooSexyForMyShirt: what else would you be worried about then?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: idk maybe the meetings our best friends have been having about us dating behind our backs???

ItsDatBoi: ah.

ItsDatBoi; right.

PleaseHelpMe; I’m really happy for you guys.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: Thanks Lance.

PleaseHelpMe: also, would it be possible if I slept over at someone’s house tonight?

TooSexyForMyShirt: why???

PleaseHelpMe: you know what? Never mind.

HumanGiant; how long have you guys been banging then?

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: well when you put it like that…

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: about 4 months now?

TooSexyForMyShirt: JESUS CHRIST THAT LONG????

ItsDatBoi: How did we not notice??????

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE; we were quite good at covering it at first.

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: then SOMEONE got a bit too cocky.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: don’t blame me!

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: I AM blaming you.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: oh of course it's MY fault!

MerlinBerlinSwerlin; no SHIT sherlock.

THEALMIGHTYCLOTPOLE: is it bad that i'm really turned on right now????????/

MerlinBerlinSwerlin: no cause I am too.

HumanGiant; what the actual FUCK.

 

[ “TooSexyForMyShirt” has privately messaged “PleaseHelpMe” ]

 

TooSexyForMyShirt: you’ve been awfully quiet, Lance.

PleaseHelpMe: yeah…

TooSexyForMyShirt; are you okay?

PleaseHelpMe; not really

TooSexyForMyShirt: what’s up?

PleaseHelpMe: idk if I can say…

TooSexyForMyShirt: of course you can. I’m your best friend, Lance

PleaseHelpMe; ok fine.

PleaseHelpMe: Gwaine, there’s something I need to tell you.

TooSexyForMyShirt: yeah, anything.

PleaseHelpMe: …I’m gay.

TooSexyForMyShirt: okay.

PleaseHelpMe; but you can’t tell anyone,

TooSexyForMyShirt: okay.

TooSexyForMyShirt; it’s not like I would. I mean, you’re my best friend and your trust is really important to me, but, out of curiosity, why don’t you want anyone to know? You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.

PleaseHelpMe: okay, well. I know that it’s really easy for all of you. You can just come out and say whatever you feel like it whenever you feel like it. And that’s amazing! And I’m so glad that you get to do that cause I only want what’s best for all of you, cause I love you guys.

TooSexyForMyShirt: I feel a ‘but’ coming on…

PleaseHelpMe: but, I can’t do that

TooSexyForMyShirt: why not?

PleaseHelpMe: you guys don’t know this, but my home life is really really shitty. My dad is very traditional, and he wants me to grow up and get a good job and get married to a woman and have kids. He’s…he’s homophobic. And not in a kind of “Eugh gay people suck” way…in a “If you’re gay then I will beat the shit out of you” way.

TooSexyForMyShirt: oh my god, Lance.

PleaseHelpMe: I once tried to tell my brother that I felt like I was gay, but before I could even get a word in, he stopped me and said that I needed to ‘contain’ all of these thoughts and emotions I was feeling, because they were wrong and sinful. My entire family is like that.

TooSexyForMyShirt: holy shit.

PleaseHelpMe: that’s why I always talk about getting the fuck out of this town, so I can finally be away from all of them and their cruel views. I remember this one time, when I was 12, we walked past these two guys holding hands in the streets. My dad spat at them. Like, SPAT at them.

TooSexyForMyShirt: oh my god.

PleaseHelpMe; yeah. That’s why I always ask if I can come round your house, and I know that sometimes it sounds intrusive or whatever, but I just don’t want to go back to the nightmare that is my house. My sister is 19 and already they’re planning a wedding for her. She doesn’t even want to get married. It’s terrible. And my mother condones it. She SUPPORTS it. My brother told her about what I was saying to him and she slapped me. I only feel safe around you guys. I only feel like I can be myself around you guys. You guys are the only people that care about me in this entire universe, and that’s why you mean so much to me. All of you. I…I’m sorry.

TooSexyForMyShirt: no, Lance, you shouldn’t be sorry. This is terrible, why didn't you tell us?

 

PleaseHelpMe; I didn't want you guys to worry! You're my friends, and it was my problem to deal with. I didn't want to burden all of you with the details of what was happening in my life when all of you had some shit going on in yours too,

TooSexyForMyShirt: but you shouldn't have to face that alone.

 

PleaseHelpMe; maybe I deserve it.

 

TooSexyForMyShirt: shut up. Zip it. I don't want to hear another word.

TooSexyForMyShirt; nO ONE should have to go through that, okay? I can't believe I didn't notice anything before! This has clearly been affecting you for ages, and I haven't noticed a damn difference until now.

 

PleaseHelpMe; in your defence, I was pretty good at hiding it. I didn't want any of you involved cause I knew that if you tried o stand up to him, then he would hurt you. And I don't want any of you to get hurt on my behalf.

 

TooSexyForMyShirt: we're best friends, Lance. Sticking up for each other is in the contract. If he so much as goes near you again, I swear to god I will deck him.

 

PleaseHelpMe; what am I supposed to do?? I have nowhere to go!

 

TooSexyForMyShirt: If you want, I can talk to my Dad. We can explain your situation to him, I’m sure he’ll let you stay with us.

PleaseHelpMe; I don’t want to hassle him.

TooSexyForMyShirt: you won’t be, I promise. You’re my best friend, Lance. And the fact that these people are treating you like this…it’s borderline abuse. And I cannot stand by and allow it to happen. So, pack your shit, and come straight to mine.

PleaseHelpMe: are you sure?

TooSexyForMyShirt: of course I’m sure. My mind has been made up, Lance. You can stay with us and then we can conquer Sixth Form together.

PleaseHelpMe: thank you, Gwaine.

TooSexyForMyShirt: no need to thank me, I’m sure anyone would help you.

PleaseHelpMe: but still…. I’ll explain it to the gang eventually. But for now, I’m not ready. I trust them and love them and all, but, it’s all a little much for me right now.

TooSexyForMyShirt: no, I totally get that. Don’t worry, I’ll keep my mouth shut until you’re comfortable talking about it with them.

TooSexyForMyShirt: now pack your fucking shit, and hop on board the train to Gwaine’s house. Destination: Fun.

PleaseHelpMe; …I’m gonna regret this decision, aren’t I?

TooSexyForMyShirt: Probably.


End file.
